Gym Etiquette

What to do in the gym, weight room, box, dojo, etc. to keep yourself welcome


Some folks just don't get it.  There's just something about them that makes their presence just a little off-putting.  At their best, they mark their territory (don't worry it's only sweat) and at their worst they outright give people the creeps.  A small percentage of this group are inconsiderate DBs.  However, most offenders are just making honest mistakes.  For whatever reason, they never learned from any parental modeling or had no high school sports experience whatsoever.  No judgement here - but let's help them out without singling them out.  Hate the sin, not the sinner.
For added measure let's ensure these guidelines get deep into the brains.  So instead of telling people NOT to do something, I will (hopefully clearly) tell them what TO DO instead.  Because as we all know, the subconscious mind only remembers in the affirmative.  And - I also like putting my own "shoe up the ass" sort of spin on things too.  Here goes...

1. Return all equipment back to where you found it
Race all equipment back to the place you found it immediately after you're done with an exercise.  All plate trees, dumbbell racks, medball shelves, band hooks, even the corner that acts as a hangar for the kettle bells are finish lines for an secret society of an underground racing league.  You've seen "Fight Club," "Eyes Wide Shut," and "The Skulls" - amateurs compared to these badasses.  Don't believe me - that's fine, you wouldn't have been able to hang anyway.
2. Clean up your sweat
Human sweat futures have risen consistently over the last few years despite all other economic hardships - collect it in bunches while the gettin's good.  Exercise and training just seem to pull it right out of ya - sure you'll go nuts trying to grab every drop, but keep your attention on large pools that seem to accumulate underneath you and especially on equipment you have just used.  Vacating without sopping up and you run the risk of the next person stealing your precious crystal-clear gold.  Stay vigilant instead and protect your investment.
3. Respect others' training space and focus
Stay out of reach of anyone who is lifting, jumping, running, or doing any type of exercise for that matter.  The same goes for direct line of site and being within hearing range of anything over 70 perceivable decibels.  Research shows that performance gains increase by over 33%, body fat decreases by around 28%, and mating opportunities nearly tripled for both the exerciser and (strangely enough) for all persons abiding by this "halo" rule.  I'll avoid scratching your back if you avoid scratching mine.
4. Training comes 1st; being a nuisance comes... never
Staring at others working out can make you go blind.  Little known fact, but it does appear to be true.  Everyone checks a glimpse of his or her mates from time to time - nothing wrong with that, in fact that is encouraged.  What's dangerous is the long, nearly unwavering glare - this is the cause of the problem for certain.  It must be the same phenomenon that is responsible for causing four uninterrupted hours of hiccups after being over-complimentary to someone's physique whom you barely know or when your stool turns green after asking another relative stranger to write a workout for you.  Crazy shit, right!
5. Kindly leave the high traffic areas when you're finished
Your mate, kids, friends, pets, TV all miss you very much - stop standing around idling after your workout and get your butt home to enjoy the other good things in life.  Avoid rushing or hurrying, but strive for quickness.  There's no need to hold up a wall, occupy dead space, or fog up the glass anymore today; fear not -  the next group's got it covered.

CV
Coach Giz